20 Lessons from my 20s: Part I

Ever since I finished reading The Defining Decade: Why Your 20s Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now, I've been reflecting deeply on my own 20s. This decade has been a whirlwind of adventures, significant life changes, happiness, disappointments, loneliness, and achievements. Regardless of the ups and downs, it has been rich with experiences. Through this journey, I've learned many valuable lessons. So, I decided to compile these into a two-part blog series: 20 things I learned from my 20s. This will not only serve as a personal reflection as I grow older but might also offer insights and resonate with some of you. So, without any further delay, let’s dive right into these lessons:

1. You create your own story.

You have the autonomy to craft your unique story. Many people will offer unsolicited advice, often with good intentions. While it’s wise to listen to different perspectives, your focus should be on what’s essential for you. Only you can decide how to write a life story you’ll enjoy and be proud of.

When I chose my career path, I was advised to change my field by many. But I was firm with my decision. I came to the US with a goal in my mind and I wanted to continue pursuing that despite the potential “perceived” barriers. Reflecting on my journey and seeing my career trajectory progress, I couldn't be happier with my decision.

2. You are on your own.

This might sound a bit scary, but if you really think about it, you are always on your own. There are many experiences in life that, even with a solid support system, you have to deal with yourself. For example, if you've ever experienced any pain, whether physical or mental, you know how lonely it can be, even with support from loved ones. When I was going through my shoulder issues, I realized how isolating dealing with pain can be. I had a supportive husband, access to healthcare providers, and everything I needed. Still, there were times it felt lonely.

Since then, I’ve learned how important it is to take care of your body and mind. You have to fight your own battles. So, love yourself, nurture yourself, and take good care of your body and mind.

Be your own cheerleader, be your hope, your optimism. Clap for yourself and always give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far.

3. Don’t wait for anyone to make things happen for you.

Only you know what’s important to you. If you value something—whether it's an experience you want, a purchase you've been eyeing, or a dream you’ve been nurturing—if you have the resources, go for it! Life is too short to wait for anyone or anything. Do the things that bring you joy.

In our relationship, I’m the one who plans all our trips. I need to step away from our routine every once in a while, and I don’t wait for my husband to come up with a plan. I take the lead, and he happily joins in the planning process. This works perfectly for us.

Got a hobby or passion? Pursue it! Don’t wait for the “right” person or the “right” time. Now is the right time, and you are the right person to make it happen.

 4. Surround yourself with good people.

Privileged are those who have good friends in life, and I’m happy to say I’m one of those people. Looking back on my 20s, I realize that some of the crucial decisions that shaped my life were made with a gentle nudge from the amazing people around me.

If I hadn't taken the GRE on time, I wouldn’t be where I am today. My exam date was so last minute for the application cycle I was aiming for, and if I hadn't listened to my friend’s suggestion to book that date, my life might have taken a completely different path.

It was also a friend who nudged me to apply for a job I was initially going to skip. I can't imagine how different my life would be if I hadn't applied that night. The job was only posted for two days!

Choose your friends wisely. A quality circle of friends is always superior to quantity.

5. Build good habits.

Establishing good habits and discipline can truly change your life. My life has transformed for the better since I finished reading Atomic Habits and started applying its principles.

I know it can seem challenging to build good habits at first, but focus on one thing at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself with a million things you want to accomplish in one day. Keep it simple. Consistency over intensity is the key. Once you standardize your habits, optimization will follow naturally.

For example, when starting out, don’t make it your goal to finish reading a book in a week. Instead, build the habit of reading at least two pages every day. This approach leads to a sustainable plan, and once your habit is built, you’ll end up reading more than you realize. In 2022, I set a goal of reading 12 books a year and finished 11. In 2023, by building a daily reading habit, I finished 31 books. Reading has become a habit now, and I do it every single day. I will write more about how reading has transformed me in another lesson.

6. Feeling lost or stuck in life is not as bad as you think.

I came to this realization after experiencing that “What the heck am I doing with my life?” moment. Yes, I even googled "Quarter Life Crisis" and all that I was experiencing seemed to align with the crisis scenario. It felt terrible for a few weeks, and I questioned everything. But then, I switched to problem-solving mode: listening to podcasts and finding things I enjoy.

I've moved past those feelings by discovering things that bring me joy and finding alternative paths to navigate through the experience. Along these paths, I've grown.

I am speaking from my firsthand experience here- if you ever feel lost or stuck, remember that even recognizing this feeling is a sign of your Growth Mindset. You want to grow further and that’s a good thing! These big feelings can propel you to seek new paths and lead to breakthroughs.

7. Every once in a while, pause to reflect.

Every once in a while, make time to pause. Learn to sit with yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings, and assess your life.

Reflection practice is something I am really proud of- maybe one of the best things I have learned in my 20s. When we are always on the go, caught up in the constant rush, we lose our sense of stillness. We forget to pause and reflect on our lives. While moving forward is important, it's equally crucial to take a break, reflect, and assess. This practice can actually inform our next steps.

Through reflection, I've learned to see my own growth and realize how far I've come from where I started. It keeps me grounded and motivated for the future.

8. Cultivate a gratitude attitude.

On any given day, there are always things to be grateful for. When we constantly focus on scarcity, we forget to acknowledge what we have in abundance. I used to stress so much over what I lacked, making myself miserable. Not that I have completely stopped that, but after reading several books and realizing the power of a gratitude attitude, I adopted a gratitude practice to consciously and intentionally focus on things I am thankful for—not just in my mind but by physically writing them in a journal.

This habit has allowed me to pause and think about the things I’m thankful for before writing them down. Trust me, this simple process can do wonders for your brain. If you don’t believe me, look up the science behind gratitude practice—you might be surprised!

9. Perfection is the enemy of good.

I can't tell you how many times I've stressed myself out trying to achieve perfection in everything I do. Thankfully, I’ve learned to let go of some of that pressure in my 20s. I realized how much time you can save by starting with something “good enough” and then working on it to get closer to perfection. Nothing is perfect in one go. So, you might as well start with something good and put in the reps to improve it.

As I mentioned earlier, standardize before optimizing. I started this blog with that same mindset. I don’t know what “perfect” means for a blog, but I’m going to standardize it first and we'll go from there.

10. You get what you ask for.

You are your own advocate in this world. Nobody is going to offer you anything just because. So, make sure you ask. If you want a raise at your job, ask for it. If you need your partner to pay more attention to your needs, talk to them about it. Don’t hesitate to have those difficult conversations. You'll either get what you asked for or learn some valuable life lessons. Either way, it’s a win-win approach.

Well, that’s all for Part I. I’m excited to share more lessons in Part II. But in the meantime, did any of these lessons resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s keep the conversation going and learn from each other.

Thanks for swinging by!

Stay tuned for more insights in Part II! 😊