Dashain Across the Distance

I left my country 7 years ago. I don’t know where the time went, but gosh, it’s been a long time. In all those years, I’ve only gone home three times. Earlier this year, I went back just in time to see my grandfather before he passed away. Luckily, I did. Those intimate moments with my family made me wonder: how have I been living away from this much love, care, and closeness with grandparents, cousins, aunties, uncles, and everyone in between? How did I choose to go away from all that? My soul felt full during that brief two-week visit.

And yet, I also thought about how much of the world I have experienced by living away. Maybe even this self-awareness and deep appreciation of home comes only from being far. I left home young, learning to navigate life in a country where I had no close family or friends. I’ve felt lonely. I’ve cried. I’ve struggled. But I’ve also built a life here with the help of kind strangers who guided me, friendships that grew into chosen family, and experiences I never would have had if I had stayed home.

Sometimes, I wonder—is this the classic example of not being able to have it all? Would I have been happy if I had never left home? Am I completely happy now, having experienced the world but living away? I’ve accepted my life and built a home here. But going back this April reminded me of that strange dichotomy: a piece of my heart is always back home with my family.

Does that mean I’m packing my bags and leaving? Not for now. But does my heart ache to be close to family at times? Absolutely, yes.

And so, I live in this in-between space, yearning for that sense of family and home, especially when festivals come around, while also trying my best to create a home away from home. I find pieces of Dashain here- in the cool autumn breeze, in attempting to make sel rotis, in playing cards, in listening to festive songs, and in celebrating with whoever is near.

If you’re living away from home too, I think you’ll understand. I hope you find your own way to celebrate the festival with the time, resources, and people you have around you.

Wishing you a very Happy Dashain, 2082! 🌸

(To my non-Nepali readers- we’re celebrating one of our biggest festivals, Dashain. And yes—we’re already ahead of the rest of the world in the year 2082 😉)

Thanks for dropping by! See you in the next blog post 😊