Stable or Stagnant?

Last month, two of my grad school friends tied the knot! It was a small, beautiful ceremony with their closest family and friends, and honestly, the perfect excuse for the rest of us to have a mini grad school reunion. You know how it goes—those typical conversations at social gatherings: "So, what do you do?" or "Where do you live?" If you’ve known the person for a while, it usually turns into “Are you still at the same job?” or “Are you still living in the same place?”

For me, the answer to both questions hasn’t changed in years. I came to the U.S. for my Master's in 2018 and have lived in the same city ever since. I was lucky enough to land a job at the same university I graduated from, so I never really needed to move. Meanwhile, most of my friends have scattered to different states/cities, mainly because their jobs took them there. And yet, here I am—same city, same place.

When I catch up with old friends and go through the usual round of questions, I sometimes find myself thinking, “Wow, I’m still here.”

I feel pretty stable—my job, my life—it’s all steady (except for the internal conflicts…lol), and I’m really grateful for that. But sometimes, I wonder: Is there a fine line between feeling stable and feeling stuck?

I’m absolutely confident that I’m stable and not stagnant, but I get how the two can easily be confused. I don’t know if any of you struggle with this distinction too, so, I thought it might be worth sharing my thoughts here.

Like I said, I’ve been in the same city for six years, but in these six years, a lot has changed. I transitioned from being a grad student to a full-time professional. I went from working in the coffee shop at the university library as a student to having my own office in the same building after graduation. I still get emotional thinking about the day I walked to my office and saw my nameplate outside—I could literally see my growth right in front of me. I got hired during the height of COVID-19, trained remotely, and got promoted to a senior role about a year ago, all in the same place.

I’ve gone from being reluctant to speak up in class (because I was busy translating my thoughts from Nepali to English) to leading meetings and presenting at national conferences. I used to be afraid to ask for what I deserved, but now I can clearly articulate what I want moving forward. I’ve grown and evolved so much, and all of this has happened within the same institution.

I’ve gone from commuting just between my apartment and the university, feeling like a bug in a jar, to exploring multiple cities and countries. I went from being single to sharing my life with a wonderful partner. I remember feeling lonely back then, craving a sense of community—and now, that’s exactly what I’ve found. What’s beautiful is that all of these changes have happened right here, in this same city.

From the outside, it might seem like I’ve been stuck in the same place for six years. And physically, sure, that’s true. But what people don’t see—and don’t really need to—is how much I’ve evolved while staying right here.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying I want to stay in this city forever. Absolutely not. But when people ask, it does make me wonder, “Why haven’t I moved to another institution, another city, or even another state? Am I stuck here?"

However, this past week as I was driving home, I realized something: Moving or changing jobs isn’t the only way to make sure you’re not stagnant. It’s really about growth—whether that’s happening in a new city or the same one. For me, this place and this institution are still giving me opportunities to grow, and I’m still taking them.

That’s not to say I’m not always browsing for new job opportunities—I’m all for change. But sometimes, growth doesn’t have to mean uprooting yourself. Staying in a stable environment can actually give you the mental space to focus on evolving, without the extra pressure of relocating and starting over.

What I’m realizing is that I need to focus more on my own journey, instead of second-guessing myself every time someone asks where I work or live. Call me crazy, but I believe in divine timing. When the time is right, the next move will come. That said, I’m not just sitting back and waiting for the universe to miraculously hand me the perfect opportunity—I’m putting in the effort.

For now, as I work toward better opportunities, I’m learning to appreciate the stability I have. And while I do that, I invite you to reflect on your own situation: Are you stable, or are you stagnant?

Thanks for dropping by!

See you in the next blog post! 😊